She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
