Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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