my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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