did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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