There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize