there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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