Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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