What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
