I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You don't make any sense
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