She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
