I'm going to jail i love you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
