I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I know her cup size but not her name....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
