How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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