she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
