You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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