you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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