He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
