4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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