Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
