Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
