Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
