Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
