i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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