Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
