hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
