My balls are so social today.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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