who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
