he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
