dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
