So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
