Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
