The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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