Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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