Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
