you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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