i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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