seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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