So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize