Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
