Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
