just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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