just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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