The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
How external is "for external use only"?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
