Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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