Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
