I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
