He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize