nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
