it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
