I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I am naked and annoyed.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
