youre lurking in front of me
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
