even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
