I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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