oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
