One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize