Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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