I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
