Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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