I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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