My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
