i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
