It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
