Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
