chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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