She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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