I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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