Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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